The Reluctant Stand-In
The Easter Bunny fell down
And broke his widdle ears
The kiddies all did cry
'Twas the sum of all their fears.
The sock monkey offered
To take the Bunny's place
Delivering all the eggs
But he was blasted into space.
Next came Mr. Reindeer
With his nose so shiny red
The authorities thought he was drunk
To the hoosegow! The coppers said.
Lamb Chop tried to do the job
But it would not come to pass
For she couldn't even stand
Without Shari's hand up her ass.
Simon was ready, willing, and able
He stoutly offered to do the deed,
But he couldn't pull the wagon...
He tried so hard, he even peed.
Another reindeer came to task
He knew he wouldn't quit
Unfortunately the reindeer
REALLY had to take a ...
All the children cried,
WHAT shall we do?
One goes to space,
The other has to poo!
Stay calm, they said,
Surely someone will come.
The others said I think you're right
And don't call me Shirley.
Wait! Cried a child...
I think I see....
Yes...I see somebody!
Why, it's Juniper Snowpea!
And the children started to shout
And yell and holler with glee
They pushed and shoved to be the first
To get their eggs for free.
And so Juniper Snowpea
With all the dignity she could muster
Kicked them in the 'nads
(You'd better believe it, buster)
She angrily pitched a hissyfit
And turned over her wagon of loot
She didn't care either way
She gave those naughty kids the boot.
She left them all weeping
So much for Easter perks
Those little kids didn't deserve it
They were all acting like jerks.
And so, dear friends, this ends my tale.
If this story did serve to please
Share your thoughts with our Juniper
Or she might bite you in the knees.
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