Presenting: The TinyBear 2000
Brought to you by: Disgruntles-R-Us Toys. Specializing in toys that bite, spit, and scream
until your brains dribble out your ears. For the tiny terror in YOUR home!
Thank you for joining us, folks! Have we ever got a treat for you TODAY!!
Are you tired of people laughing at your hair? Did you find a small nest of newborn bats and
several desiccated Milk Duds in it last week? Have you had enough of being a living hydrometer?
Well, your troubles ARE NOW OVER.
Presenting the new TinyBear 2000! This wig will cure ALL your hair woes, give you giant hooters,
AND clear you of all credit card debt. Let's go to our comely volunteer picked
randomly out of our studio audience..... (this volunteer wasnotbribedwithcookies,icecream,latebedtimes,runningoverpixieinasmallATV,anddisneypricessmovies. All rights reserved.)
Yes, Miss, you! Hello!
Have you had enough with that disastrous head of hair?
Are you tired of your friends pointing at you and saying you look like Harpo Marx?
Ha Ha Ha, I see that you are! Well Miss... Snowpea was it? We are here to solve ALL
your hair problems with ONE EASY STEP! Let's turn you over to our professional stylists,
waiting backstage to transform you and CHANGE YOUR LIFE!
Ahh, yes, studio audience, can we have a big hand for the new Miss Snowpea?
Come on out, Juniper! Presenting, the TinyBear 2000!
I feel faint! Somebody open a window, turn on the fan!
This much hotness should not be allowed!
The TinyBear 2000 is amazingly versatile! Get the newest looks! Pigtails are all the rage!
Get that coveted "little girl" look just like Paris Hilton!
With the TinyBear 2000, you can sit down AND YOUR PANTIES WILL NEVER SHOW!
Your hands will resemble penguin flippers! You will NEVER have to WORK AGAIN!
Some wigs get itchy and heavy after a while. Not the TinyBear 2000!
It bonds instantly with the scalp, making removal impossible! (mayberemovedusingturpentine.blindnessmayoccurtinybear2000isnotresponsibleforskinpeeling,brainlesions,ordeath)
Attract all manner of Alaskan wildlife!
Check out those come-hither eyes, studio audience! The boys will faint in their tracks!
Jean Shrimpton, EAT YOUR HEART OUT! Be a part of the glam 70's style revival!
Be a heroin-chic cover girl! Get a better job because you're better-looking than anyone else!
THIS WIG WILL MAKE YOU A GOOD PERSON! Buy one today.
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Juniper Snowpea web pages by Sher & DKBB